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March 28, 2005
The Great Baby Shower Debate
My best friend has an almost two year old and is pregnant, due in July. (You can tell I don't have kids because I don't know how many months the nearly two year old is and have no idea how many weeks she is) Today I got the dreaded baby shower invitation.
Honestly I forgot about the baby shower. Somehow I managed to block the fact that it would be coming. Denial is a powerful thing. Her first shower was fine. We were planning our wedding and thoughts of a baby hadn't yet entered our minds.
Fast forward two years, we're married and debating the pros and cons of IUI #4 vs. IVF vs. adoption vs. stealing unmonitored children from the grocery store. And she's on number two.
So the question is, do I go or not?
She IS my best friend. And she is moving out of state next month , so I won't be seeing her much. On the other hand, the simple act of her opening a gift and seeing a cute little outfit will reduce me to tears without a doubt. I hate that this has turned me into someone who can't even be there for my best friend. We've talked maybe 10 times since she's been pregnant.
Plus, the shower is being held at a Pizza Hut. Which has it's own pros and cons. There will be plenty of distractions, but I'm sure other children will be there. Oh, the date. The date of the shower coincides with when I'm guessing we'll be finding out if IUI #4 worked or not. I'll be good and fragile then.
Obviously this situation called for an entire chocolate bar. PSA-Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar is THE BEST you can get in grocery or drug store. Unfortunately the chocolate didn't have the answer I was looking for. Normally I don't have any problem telling people I'm not up to a shower or other event and exactly why. I'm very open about our treatment and infertility. But this feels different. I really do feel obligated to go. If it was a coworker (well when I had coworkers) or an aquaintance I wouldn't go. But this is my best friend. We've known each other for twelve years. I wish there were some easy answers.
Posted by jlraynes at March 28, 2005 05:15 PM
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Comments
Let me put on my assvice hat (purple with yellow flowers). If she's your best friend, wouldn't she understand your not coming? Couldn't you say that you can't come to her shower but you'd love to take her out to dinner to celebrate? And then go to a NICE place with just you two? I wouldn't go to the shower, especially if you're going to be in a bad place. She'd know something's up and you'd be absolutely MISERABLE.
Posted by: Suz at March 28, 2005 06:18 PM #
I'm with Suz on this one. If she's truly your best friend she'll either a) understand completely, or b) get over it eventually.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
(Suz, where can I get me one of those purty assvice hats?)
Posted by: deborah at March 29, 2005 09:07 AM #
A very similar situation happened to me recently. I went to my friend's wife's baby shower and it was very hard... but I'm glad I went. He has been my friend for 14 years and I would have felt horrible if I didn't go. Of course almost every gift was painful to look at, but I made myself concentrate on her happiness, not my sadness. It is hard. You really have to put your mind to it if you want to get through it without crying. And believe it or not, I was very proud of myself afterwards... I felt like for one afternoon I had control over my crazy, cry-at- baby food commercials-hormones.
Posted by: Keri at March 29, 2005 08:37 PM #
i'd talk to her about it. If she knows about why it's hard for you, then i'm with suz and deborah. try to make a time to celebrate with her and get her a thoughtful present, before she moves- that way it shows you care, and can even acknowlege her pregnancy (something I couldn't do with my SIL). It all really depends on how you feel. If you could do it- then cool, but if it's going to wreck you- then i'm sure your frinend would understand
Posted by: anotherjen at March 29, 2005 09:03 PM #
Isn't it an awful predicament? I really feel for any of "US" who are no doubt faced with this dilema at some stage throughout our suffering. I think, initially the response we feel is "I'm not going" "I CAN'T Go"....then it may turn into ""How can I Not go?" How can I NOT support my friend? Go, for a little while. Leave if it's too much. Leave before the presents get opened. And have some Pizza, huh? Good Luck xx
Posted by: Simone at March 30, 2005 12:21 AM #
Please try to remember to feel blessed for what you do have. Even from your short note i can see a few. 1. a loving patient husband. Never ever underestimate how lucky you are to have found that really great guy in todays dating market, an of course him finding you. 2. A best friend should never be under estimated for how important she is to you. They are not that easy to come by. she probably wants to feel happy for you WHEN you concieve. I mean when, because it will happen. And don't waist the today because of being so worried about tomorrow, you don't want to push these people away. love them loke there is no tomorrow.
Posted by: tina at March 30, 2005 10:35 PM #
She's your best friend, she probably already knows what you've been through trying to have a child. She should also understand you not wanting to be somewhere, where a bunch of people are celebrating the coming of a child (that isn't yours).
Just tell her how you feel, and that you would perhaps like to do something special with just the two of you to make it up to her.
Posted by: Shaun at March 31, 2005 12:18 PM #
I really do think that you should go, no need to scrath your head to come up with excuses not to go. You might lose your hairs and get wrinkles.
What I really want to tell everyone here is that I just discovered a unique type of baby shower gift - Diaper Cakes! Can you believe that?
If you haven't gone to the shower and need a baby shower gift, then you might want to check out this interesting creative gift online. I know for sure it is available somewhere.
What do you think?
Posted by: news blogs at July 18, 2005 04:05 PM #
Posted by: Laura at August 18, 2005 11:38 PM #