David Raynes

Jenn's Journal: Help a sister out

This is her last chance and only hope. Please visit her website and read her story. There is a link to donate anything you can to her to help her and her husband out. If you know of anybody who could help out, feel free to pass this along.

A friend of my wife, blogger, and fellow sufferer of infertility needs help. We both know that awful feeling of sticker shock when first adding up what the total costs for a treatment like IVF will be, especially when health insurance will cover little, if any, of it. Infertility treatments have tapped Katie out completely, and while she and her husband have managed to find a grant from the state of New York, they need to come up with 15% of the cost themselves to get that grant. Unfortunately, however, they have just over one week to come up with that 15%. So, if you can spare anything, please head on over to the dropcash campaign that Katie setup and leave a little something. Every little bit counts.

There is a special place in hell for spammers, and even then, there is a special place in that special place for the jerk who keeps sending me trackback spam with links to "baby names." That's just damned cruel.

For the first time since I was a single guy, I spent the better part of today with my best friend, Joel. We got some work done here at the house (dismantling some furniture for transport to the dump), then it was off to the dump. After that, we hit the Games Workshop battle bunker (i.e. a big store) just a little further around the beltway and met up with our fellow gamer buddy (and colleague of mine), Kyle. We wondered around there for a while and then, seeing as it was past 1pm and none of us had eaten much of anything yet, we decided to go get some lunch. Joel wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse; he had never been to one before, and I was treating him to lunch, so we headed down the road. Turns out that Outback does not open until 2pm. Of course, I had heard that Outback was not open for lunch before, but managed to bury that deep enough in the great chasm that is my mind that I did not remember until we actually arrived at around 1:30. So, we ended up killing time by wandering around in the horribly crappy department store across the parking lot. Lunch was good, and Joel discovered a new purpose in life: to acquire more bloomin' onions.

After lunch, Kyle broke off to go back to his place to get some homework done. Joel and I headed back to the house and spent the rest of the afternoon and some of the evening watching Stargate Atlantis and Battlestar Gallactica on TiVo and a couple episodes of Deadwood (which is also when I discovered that the new season of that starts tomorrow night, at which point I nearly broke into a happy dance). All the while, we were gluing together little bits of plastic and metal for my Tyranid army. I finally got my lictor put together. What a spiffy looking figure that is; I will have to get some more from Neal at TheWarStore. It will be fun to paint, assuming I can get into all the nooks and crannies that thing has.

Our little group's next game is looking to be on the 20th. Maybe I will finally get to play more than one or two turns (last game was cut short on account of hordes of fricken snow falling). If I can get any painting done before then, I will try and post some pictures if anybody is interested.

Maybe I should expand upon that title:

• Will code for money
• Will use said money to pay for babies

We had a consultation with our RE today to go over what we will be doing next in our infertility treatment. To date, we have been actively treating the situation for a total of four cycles, and we were trying the "normal" way for about eight to nine months prior to that. For the first two cycles, we used clomid alone.

The first cycle, Jenn took 50mg of clomid for five days towards the beginning of her cycle. Followed up with visits to the fertility center to have an ultrasound wand shoved inside her to monitor her progress and some homework (which was checked, I might add). She ended up being pregnant... for about two or three days, give or take, though the way pregnancy lengths are normally calculated, she was just short of five weeks. From what I understand, it is usually referred to as a chemical pregnancy, which means that it is only visible by checking hormone/chemical levels and not with an ultrasound. She miscarried. We have not managed to get her pregnant since then.

The second cycle, we used just clomid again at twice the dosage, along with all the visits and homework, but that did not end up working well.

The third cycle, the clomid dosage was adjusted again, to 50mg per day over seven days instead of five. This time, we opted to go for IUI, which is commonly referred to as artificial insemination (or what I like to call the turkey baster method, but don't tell Jenn I said that). We still went in for all of the ultrasound visits. We even went for four ultrasounds in four days at one point. When Jenn's ovaries were ready, she was given a shot to induce ovulation. I came into the fertility center the next morning to leave my deposit (I am sure you can figue out what that was). It was prepared over the next couple hours, at which point Jenn and I came back in so that the folks there could pour what was leftover into a syringe with a long catheter attached to the end meant for going directly up into the uterus. Given all the magical medical technology of the day, it does seem rather primitive, doesn't it? Once again, no luck.

So we did it again for a fourth cycle. This one was looking really good. Everything was developing well on her side of things before the IUI itself. And about a week after the IUI, her levels were looking the best they ever have (which unfortunately is not saying all that much). We were both trying very hard to balance optimism and realism at that point, but we had to wait for another week before finding out that, no, she once again was not pregnant.

So here we are, starting a new year with a new treatment plan. Clomid is out of the question now, and we are moving on to more powerful (and expensive) drugs. Drugs that Jenn, along with probably her mother (who is also a nurse), and possibly even myself, will be injecting her with. She will have to visit the fertility center pretty much every other day when she is taking these drugs to check her blood levels for hormone progress, and also to keep an eye out for ovarian hyperstimulation. That last bit is the nasty part. It could put her in the hospital for up to one week.

And speaking of being out in the hospital for one week, did I mention that both Jenn and I have drawn the wells of vacation from our respective jobs dry? Most of the doctor visits, the ultrasounds, we are able to schedule in the morning, so lateness is really the only problem there, though the company Jenn works for can get a little upset if you come into work late too often. Then, of course, right before ovulation, Jenn tends to get pretty uncomfortable thanks to those overly stimulated ovaries.

"How would you feel with a pair of bowling balls inside you," is often heard around our house those days. The disturbing thing is that, if her ovaries were to get stimulated to the point where she would require hospital care, they would be about 10cm-12cm in diameter, which if my memory serves me correctly, is about the size of a duck pin bowling ball.

So she takes time off work to rest if she can, and then we both take time off work the day of the IUI and often the day after because she still is not feeling all that great. We have been forced to consider FMLA leave because we have just run out of options. Any leave she takes for that will be unpaid, but at least it will not count against her in the eyes of her company. That is, if they will let her have it.

The forms were filled out by our doctor at the fertility center, and sent along to the relevant folks at HR for her company. They had some questions.

"What will the duration be?" they ask.

"Until I get pregnant," Jenn would reply.

They apparently need a more concrete number than that. I told her to tell them ten years. That should about cover it.

"What does five to six days monthly mean?"

"It means five or six days each month."

"Are those days consecutive?"

"We don't know. It's completely unpredictable."

Heck, we consider it advanced notice when we know about an appointment more than about two days ahead of time. The best we can usually say is "sometime next week." My bosses and co-workers have gotten quite used to that line. Often, nobody I work with thinks twice if I am late to work, which is both a blessing and a curse as one of them pointed out about a month ago.

Dave could be dead in some ditch at the side of the road one day, and we would just think that he's fine; he's probably just at the clinic.

So, here we are, trying to figure out how we are going to pay for all this. Jenn had one thought:

I'm thinking of getting a bucket with a picture of my uterus on it and patrolling intersections for donations.

Let me just throw some numbers out there to put things into some perspective.

• Our insurance, which is provided by the company I work for, covers infertility treatments ( not drugs, just treatments, and did I mention that we have been paying about $100 per cycle for clomid and the ovulation stimulation drug? ) up to $2000 per year.
• One IUI cycle with injectible medications cost approximately $2500-$5000. Per cycle.
• IVF, which would be the next step up for us if the next two IUI cycles don't work, costs approximately $6000-$12000 per cycle. Though it does get a little cheaper in the following cycles if we manage to produce enough good embryos that can be frozen.

As things stand now, our first IUI cycle will wipe out our insurance for the year. Before the end of February. The next cycle will pretty much wipe out our savings. After that would come IVF, which would probably mean selling off or refinancing the house or something.

And you know what happens after that if these do not work out? We will probably try to adopt. But guess what? Adoption will cost just as much, if not more. And it will take us years to adopt, assuming our finances (and even our relationship) will manage to survive that long. That is, of course, assuming anybody would want to give a pair of nutcases like us a living, breathing person to take care of.

So where am I going with all this? Well, as I am sure you can see, we are in nothing short of dire financial straits. But I am certainly not asking for money or donations or anything like that.

What I want to do is, as I titled this entry, code for babies.

What I mean is that I want to ramp up my side consulting business as much as I possibly can. Do you have a Movable Type site that needs some custom plugin work? Please consider me. Are you curious as to whether or not Movable Type is the right system for you or your company? Get in touch with me and I would be happy to analyze your situation. Do you want to integrate Movable Type with existing in-house systems? I have no problem interfacing with your team to get the job done. I am even willing to consider doing paid installs, which would normally be beyond my normal services. I charge rates I consider quite reasonable based on the type of work and my level of expertise with the system and with Perl. You are unlikely to find anybody, outside of folks at Six Apart themselves, who knows Movable Type better than I do.

If you could pay me with actual babies, I would probably be a little concerned at first, but with our current situation, I would probably also get over that concern fairly quickly. Beyond that, the usual monetary method if payment is quite allright, as money can be used to purchase treatments that will hopefully provide us with a baby of our very own.

Now that I've got the comment situation under control, or so it would seem at least, I am now back to actually thinking about my blog and what I will be doing with it.

Here are some of my current thoughts:

• Incorporate what Jenn has been writing in her journal blog about what we have been going through with the infertility treatments into the main feed for this site, like I have already done with the main index page
• Possibly splitting my blog into two: a Movable Type-only blog, for all my plugins, hacks, experiments, and so forth, and a personal, diary or journal blog. Do any of you folks out there (other than my mother.. Hi Mom!) have any interest in what I'm doing outside of the MT realm? Or maybe want to hear some of what I've been thinking about the infertility stuff, which I have been meaning to write about more?
• I am also trying to find a way to ask folks that have reaped huge benefits from the major time and effort I have put into writing and testing my plugins, which have all be released freely, for maybe a small donation via PayPal, or perhaps a purchase from my Amazon wish-list (or, for you gamers out there, my Games Workshop wish-list). Asking is not the main issue though; asking without sounding like an ass is.

Waiting Game

I started back on the Progesterone the next day and now we just wait. And wait and wait and wait. We will reach the one year mark of trying before we know if this cycle worked. Never thought it would take this long. I'll have a pregnancy test right before Thanksgiving. It will either be one of the best holidays, or one of the worst.

Jenn wrote about what we are going through in the latest cycle. We decided to start trying Thanksgiving week last year.

What we've been through so far

Dave set this journal up for me to detail our adventures in infertility. We both feel it's important to put our experiences out there for a couple of reasons. It's not something a lot of people talk about, but 1 in 6 couples experience infertility. If we can help one person feel less alone in the journey, we've done something positive with it. Also, it's consuming our lives.

Doing it better than I ever could, Jenn has officially started chronicling our experiences with infertility in her own blog. We both agree that a lot of if, in telling our story, that we can help even just one person out, we will do it. There is so much out there concerning the medical aspects, the treatments, procedures, and drugs, but there is little to nothing (that we have seen) that talks about peoples' experiences with infertility. One of the best books we bought in the last year talked about it from that personal level and it was the only one that actually helped us out and had any serious impact.

Jenn went in for some tests today, and we got the results about an hour ago. Looks like we were somewhat successful this cycle; technically, she is pregnant. Unfortunately since her hormone levels were so low, it probably will not last. We will be going in for more bloodwork on Wednesday.

To be blunt, my wife and I just had sex. Appointment sex. We did not do it because we wanted to or we were in the mood. She has not been feeling well at all for the last few weeks, and we are both quite stressed out between work and things here at home lately. We did it because yesterday the doctor at the fertility center instructed us to have intercourse (they call it "homework") between four to twelve hours before our next test tomorrow morning.

My wife and I have been trying to conceive for nine months now. Needless to say, we have not as yet been successful. We are certainly not in as bad a situation as many others are, but neither is ours a happy one.

So, after some discussion with her over the last few weeks, I have decided to write about the experiences we have had and will be having. Part of my reasoning, I imagine, is to help me deal with the situation, and I am sure another part of it is to share the experience with others so they can get a closer look at what some couples have to go through to start a family, if they can at all.

The first step will be putting together an entry detailing much of what we have been through so far and our reasoning for deciding to try and start a family together. That should be coming in the next few days.

I wish I had the time to write more (I may come back and extend this entry a little later), but I wanted to make sure I made my intentions known today.

I am in the market for a new job. For reasons that I am not going to go into (though the hour long commute is certainly one of them), I would prefer not to continue much longer at my current position. Ideally, I would like to work in a more public situation on web applications, social software, emerging technology, and so forth. I would really like to work from home, but I realize how unlikely that is.

And on a related note, as we stand a good chance of needing a medical procedure (not because of anything life threatening) in the not-to-distant future that will not be signficantly (if at all) covered by our insurance, I am also looking to pick up some freelance programming work on a part-time basis. So, if you are in need of any custom plugin development, now would be a good time to talk to me.

At first, it was $1600. Then we were getting $600 back. When the dust settled yesterday, we only had to pay $80.

I don't think it gets much better than that. :)

Well, the happy couple has returned from the ocean a little tanner (and somewhat burned), but otherwise pretty happy. Things went very well, both at the wedding and on the honeymoon. I don't want to brag, but Jenn's winning streak in miniature golf is quite over. :)

More to come later as I wade through the massive pile of email waiting for me, and the pictures that were taken over the last week.

Stay tuned!

First of all, starting in a few hours, my host is going to be movnig this site to a different server. For approximately 48 hours, you could be getting one of two versions of this site (either the old server or the new server), depending on how quickly the DNS change propogates. So, any changes to the site (e.g. comments, trackbacks, etc) may misteriously disappear during that time. I'd suggest holding off on doing any of those until Saturday afternoon or so. (Note to self: look into possibility of creating a "Movable Type Go Offline" type thing, like some forums software have).

And, if you haven't heard already, around when the DNS changes should have worked themselves out, I will be getting married. Unfortunately, some people won't be able to make it, but that just means they'll owe me a visit sometime in the future. :) After that, Jenn and I will be on our honeymoon in another part of the state. Don't go making any sinister plans though. Our four attack cats and my sister-in-law will be watching over the apartment while we're gone.

What does this mean for the Plugin Manager you ask? Well, I've done some work over the last week or so (I do love taking time off work for once), but not enough to warrant a new release just yet. I'll try to finish it up and get a new version out by around Friday or Saturday of next week.

Things to look forward to in the next release:

• Display of new plugins since the last update of the plugin list
• mt-check-like functionality to try to ease the install problems people seem to be having

And hopefully soon I'll be able to iron our my ideas for doing plugin configuration though the Plugin Manager, so I can start implementing, so other plugin authors can take advantage of what the Plugin Manager can offer them.

Fun, fun, fun. :)

As many of you know, I became a quarter century old today. Thank you all so much for all of the happy birthday wishes you sent . It really gives me a warm fuzzy to see all the people out there that are willing to put up with me. :)

Since 25 is a pretty significant number, I figure I would post some observations I've made over the last few days as I've reflected on the last few years of my life.

• I am realistic and pessimistic enough to believe that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but I am idealistic and optimistic enough to believe that we can do something to change that. I am going to try and live my life with that as the first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last thought as I go to sleep at night.
• I have learned enough so far in my life to see that I know nothing at all.
• Water polo is and will always be a part of who I am. I still can't believe I stopped being involved with the sport for so many years, and I am so glad I've begun playing again, It's in my blood, it flows through my veins, and other such cliches.
• The wonderful thing about having a birthday in May is that I almost always get my tax return within days of it.

This should be an interesting year. Jenn's father is getting married this month on the 24th. Jenn and I are getting married in July. And her mother just got engaged. They're thinking about making it legal in October.

Looks like we all get to celebrate the same anniversaries each year. We all get to have our first anniversaries next year. :)

Life is interesting when Jenn's family is involved.

Since I'm posting other pictures of the cats, I thought I'd put up this one of Franz and Hans that I took last week. They can be cute little guys when they want to.

While taking pictures for Jenn tonight, we caught Gizmo in a yawn. The picture is just too goofy not to post it. :)

Well, we got the tree yesterday and put it up. Then we attacked it with the ornaments tonight after we met with the Reverend who is going to perform our wedding next year.

It's been a number of years since I've really been into the whole Christmas thing, but this year I can't help it. Jenn's enthusiasm is infectious.

I had a few pictures of the in-progress decorating, but I've been having some minor camera issues, so I ended up losing them. I really need to go get myself one of those USB SmartMedia card readers so I don't have to bother trying to get pics off the camera directly.

Anyways, now we get to see how long this tree lasts with four cats around (two of whom are declawed). So let's get the betting pool started. My money is on 14 - 16 days.

Update: After only a few short hours (I'm guessing around 6-8), we had our first ornament wounding. I would not call it a full fledged casualty because it was only knocked off the tree; it is still intact.

Apparently, there's already been some discussion as to when the tree should go up. According to Jenn's Rules of Christmas, nothing at all is allowed to be Christmas-y until the day after Thanksgiving, or at least after Thanksgiving dinner, but no earlier. Once you are past that point, anything goes as far as I know. I'm sure one year we'll incoporate some part of the tree purchasing-standing-decorating process into a Thanksgiving family get-together.

Franz was the second cat I got. He came home two days after I picked up Hans. I had only actually seen him once before, but I wasn't looking at him; I was looking at his brother, and got on his brother's list. When I was at the shelter for Hans, the lady there remembered me, told me that nobody had adopted Franz yet, and asked me if I'd like to take him home. He was the biggest cat from the start. He was already past two pounds then. He was pretty sick recently, and had dropped to as low (as far as we know) as eight pounds, but he's much better now. Heck, he's put on about four to five pounds in the last few months.

He has earned himself the nicknames Moo-Cat, Moo-ber, and various other ones involving "Moo" thanks to his distinctive meow, and his constant use of it. :) He has also got to be the most enthusiastic pet-ee I have ever seen, to the point of somersaulting while he is being petted.

My first cat. Got him when he was a kitten from the Howard County animal shelter at the end of September last year. He had already gone through two names when I found him: Spanky and Houdini. He has also recently earned the nickname Chinmaster for the odd little way that he likes to stick out his chin.

Well, I think I've found it: the ultimate litter box.

Absolutely, 100%, the best litter box I have ever used. Having four cats, one becomes quite the appreciator of innovations in litter box technology. :)

I swear since we first found out about his liver problems back in mid-August, when he was skin-and-bones and only 8 lbs, Franz has practically doubled in size. I just looked at him today and it hit me; I honestly thought had had grown an inch or two since I had left for work this morning.

Either way, though, he is doing great now. We found out about his liver problems after he had stopped eating for a few weeks (possibly even a month or more). It can be hard to tell if one cat is eating when you've got four of them. But now, good lord, I don't bother with my alarm much in the morning, because Franz is always in the room in the morning whining hungrily. Just like he is when I get home. Just like he is when I'm getting ready for bed. That formerly sick cat is now a certified eating machine.